I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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