this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
