hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
