Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
