So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
