I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
