Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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