for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
