well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize