mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
