So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
