So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
