Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize