I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
