no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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