FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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