on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
