If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize