Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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