she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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