I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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