i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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