You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
