she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize