Got a toothbrush?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
