If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
