have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
