...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
