Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
