i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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