oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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