11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize