we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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