I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
