I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
