This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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