is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
