Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
