I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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