After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
