And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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