Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
