I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My vagina just recognized that song.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize