I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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