who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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