isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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