Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
