Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
