Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
