This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
