i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
