I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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