I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
