my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
