I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
