I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
