I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
