i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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