talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
