Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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