If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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