Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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