you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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