I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
