I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
