She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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