he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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