i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We need a shit load of segways right now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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