So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
