im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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