My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
