The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
