mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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