he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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