Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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