Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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