i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
