i'm signing you up for texting rehab
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
