"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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