I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
