I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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