last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
birth control should be required to get into college
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
