found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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