"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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