Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
