hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
