My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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