are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
