porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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