he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
