If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
