Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
