everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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