im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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