I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
