i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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