Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everyone says I win the strip club
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
